"authentically you"

i think there's this fine line between being interested and being interesting that makes you, well, you. there too is this belief out there that to be interesting, you must show your active interest. i can kind-of get behind that, only in the way that no one enjoys talking to a bland, flavorless, wall. nevertheless, if you can get me, the most introverted listener there is, to bring my “yapper alter ego” to conversation, i wouldn't shut up. regardless if i felt like my listener was distracted. i highly recommend if you haven’t yet, find your comfortable silence person. it’s communication within itself. now i’m going to take several directions with this article. bear with me. i’ve recently become more aware of a consuming need to fulfill the amount of interest and constant input needed to suffice in conversation. it’s like there’s this epidemic of constant communication. now don’t get me wrong, communication is healthy. but we often misconstrue what is healthy, for what is just continuous noise and practice of communication. but take our social media for example. sometimes i wonder why i even go online to the app. not only has the amount of a consistent truth been minimized, but the quality of words and what is being said has seriously depreciated. and then there’s of course the constant need to post your daily life to seem “interesting”. i don't even want to touch the topic of snapchat. what do you expect me to do with an image of your side profile or more commonly, your ceiling? apparently if i don't respond, it's taken as "i don't like you". but if i were to, some people see that as communication. that’s one segway. another i must say, has really come close to heart. just because someone is listening, observing, quiet, or reserved, does not mean they’re shy, nor boring. why has it become normalized to talk aimlessly about the most ignorant and superficial of topics, simply to fill the void of silence. this is where i get to the fear of being perceived and misunderstood. while two separate things, they go hand in hand. there seems to be a sense of insecurity or lack of wholeness in what someone believes to be of promise in themselves, and what they think. what’s odd is that the combat this, people often choose to constantly fill the void seeking to fulfill confidence, security, and acceptance. it’s come to a point--maybe because i live in los angeles--where everyone is like this, where being collected and speaking only when queued or to add something of value, is seen as “boring” and “shy”. the amount of times i have had someone say, “she’s just shy”....it boggles my mind. i love when fiona apple said, “i’m not shy, i just don’t speak if i don’t have anything to say”. i will say though, over the years while i’ve still remained a reserved counterpart to the overbearing noise of conversation, when finding my own passions, authenticity, knowledge, and what i think is of value, i turned from someone who would question why i would “hold back”, to someone who is confident in what they know, and still remain seemingly “held back”. because i do have things to say. so many. so now i can say, “i’m not shy, i just don’t speak if i’m not interested”. and you know why that is? because i’ve learned to find acceptance from my self-concept and security in knowledge. i’m not afraid of being perceived. and that’s translated into me becoming a total “yapper” when i find interest in the conversation. to the part of being misunderstood, i get you. ever hate repeating yourself when you’re on opposite ends of the house with someone and they yell back, “what!?”. it irks me. but this is a metaphor for conversation partners who may well be right in front of your face, and completely lack understanding of what you’re trying to communicate. what does that cause you to do? over-communicate. why i say they "go hand-in-hand"? because being misunderstood is a disconnect between how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. it’s a sucky feeling. what you learn to know, as i have being an observer, is that people can only meet you in conversation and quality of thought, as deeply as they know themselves. so to me, being misunderstood is a sign of originality, and being authentically you. 

-candidly yours